I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
