I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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