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So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
