Me too!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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