i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
