In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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