I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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