i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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