Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
