Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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