I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you win again, gameday.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
