I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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