he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
