I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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