shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
