My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
