So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
