we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
