i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
