Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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