bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
