had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
