k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
