Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
