wake up i wanna do it froggy style
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
