my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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