Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My ass is underappreciated
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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