i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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