hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
