I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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