I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
