I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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