you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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