tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
