btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
