So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
