a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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