I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
