Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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