I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
