why do cheetos always look like penises
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
