apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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