Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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