i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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