If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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