Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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