btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
