Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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