and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
