my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
