You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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