We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
