why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
