Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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