i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
