dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
