There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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