I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
