whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
