capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
