At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
