need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
