ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize