That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
