Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
