just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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