We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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