Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
