i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
