Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
