That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
